I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
