chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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