Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
grandma shit on top of the toilet
high people should be assigned attendants
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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