Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
