Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
