Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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