And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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