When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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