I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
