tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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