No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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