Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
