Whatcha textin bout Willis?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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