I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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