Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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