All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
