it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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