Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
