That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
