HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
