just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
