dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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