Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
