DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
