you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
