I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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