At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
