She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
