last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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