hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
