I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
