If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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