ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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