if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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