i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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