She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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