Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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