I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did i walk over a car last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
