I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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