Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So much rum. So many feels.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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