the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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