singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
