They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
