Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
