Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
