I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
