you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
