I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
