glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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