Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
