its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
