this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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