I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
