be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
