I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
